


The Fifth Year That Nobody (Especially The Toad) Would Really Ever Forget

by Arcaratus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, Over-Used, Wayyy too much crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-10 09:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4386575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcaratus/pseuds/Arcaratus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Harry and the Golden Trio's fifth year at Hogwarts with an interesting twist - one might even call it a godly twist!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which The Demigods Learn Of Moldywarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title explains, the demigods learn of their quest, and, of course, Moldywarts!

"Wazz up Chiron?" Perseus Jackson, otherwise known as Percy and the reason that Olympus still stand right now asked, no surprise, Chiron, who had summoned him to the Big House, interrupting his date with Annabeth.

"Well, Percy, it seems that trouble is brewing in a community blessed by Hecate. A good friend of mine believes that this, "Dark Lord" is rising, and that he will try to attack a young boy who alone wields the power to stop him."

"Wait," A voice identified as Nico di Angelo's spoke up, "This "Dark Lord", his name, what is it?"

"Gah!" Percy cried in alarm, "Stop scaring me!"

Nico smirked and turned to Chiron. "Seriously, tell me what his name is."

"I believe, he goes by the moniker Lord Voldemort, and his followers are Death Eaters." Chiron replied evenly, already anticipating Percy's reaction.

"Lord Moldyvort? Who would want to call themselves that? It's like...It's like...It's like moldy warts! Gods, that's a terrible name! And who in the Hades would want to eat Death? I mean, I've met the guy, and eating him doesn't sound very pleasant. These people don't sound very threatening, Chiron, they just sound loony and a mite bit off their rocker." Percy was laughing so hard that he fell to the ground and was gasping for breath.

"Yes, well Voldemort is a very powerful wizard, and yes, they do exist, they were mortals blessed by Hecate, and he has risen once more. He will try and take over the wizarding world, causing a huge war. If Voldemort is in charge of the wizards, well, not good. Although their magic is not as powerful as ours, they could still do lots of harm."

"Wait, this Voldemort, I know about him!" Nico exclaimed, once more scaring Percy. "Dad was muttering and whining about how that guy, Moldywarts, wouldn't stay dead! He was very annoyed because of all the paperwork that Moldywarts was causing, with the whole, cheating death thing. Dad even wanted me to try and kill Moldywarts, but he realized that me interfering would cause even more paperwork." Nico explained proudly, before adding, "And then Persephone turned me into a dandelion."  
"Hmm," Chiron stroked his beard thoughtfully, while raising his eyebrows. "Perhaps we should have another quest," Chiron brushed away the two demigods' complaining that they had already been in TWO wars, why did they have to be in another one? "If Voldemort wins, many lives will be lost. Do you really want all those lives to be taken away even though you could have helped?" The demigods sighed in defeat. "Good, I'm assembling the seven, as well as you, Nico, and Thalia and Reyna."

"Why all of them?" Percy asked, as he could see the Seven and Nico and Thalia, but why Reyna?

"To keep up appearances of a different school coming," Chiron replied simply.

"But Reyna and Frank are the praetors!" Nico pointed out.

"Yes, but Dakota and what was her name, Alisha? They need to practice in case they have to become praetors in an emergency, and Reyna and Frank can be in charge during breaks and weekends if they must. Also, it will pacify any Romans who would be offended that not that many Romans will make it onto this quest. More so when they learn that this quest is happening because of a Great Prophecy. So, that should work out, as it will make New Rome stronger, and you will have a powerful force protecting Harry."

"What?!" Percy exclaimed, as he did not know of any other Great Prophecy's. "Fine, we'll do it."

"Great! Nico can go to the Romans and bring them here, so we'll announce this quest to everybody tomorrow and then you'll leave, okay?"

Percy nodded, and Nico vanished into the shadows.

* * *

"Really? Wizards exist? And they're fighting a war? How is that even possible? No, wait, Hecate?"

Percy nodded to his overly enthusiastic girlfriend, as she ranted on and on about how amazing, it was, wizards and witches walking the Earth. "I thought they were just fantasies! But, this is just amazing! And we're going to a school just for them? How amazing is this? Say, what's this school even called?" Annabeth asked, breathless from her rant.

"Chiron didn't mention it." Percy replied glumly. How could Annabeth be so excited about going into _another_ war? Especially after they just beat Gaea?

"Oh," Annabeth sounded disappointed, but she continued to talk, much to Percy's seaweed filled brain's chagrin.

* * *

Chiron sighed as he finished his explanation to the newly-arrived demigods, saving the Moldy- wait, Voldemort, and Death Eater parts for last, as they all fell to the ground, laughing their half-godly butts off. "As I was saying, you guys have to do your best to blend in and pretend that you are American Exchange Students. Only the headmaster and his Deputy Headmistress know about your parentage, and it should remain that way for the year. Keep in mind that you are more powerful than the average wizard, and you won't be affected by their magic."

Annabeth raised her hand, and began once Chiron nodded. "How will we do the magic? I mean, we don't have the five years' worth of knowledge that the other students do, right?"

"Ahh, excellent question. Lady Hecate has blessed you guys so that you will have all the knowledge that you will need, and you will be using wands. Everything has been ordered for you, so that when you go, you just get your money and pick everything up."

Annabeth nodded, before coming up with another question, "Where will we be staying one we get to London?"

"You will be staying with the Weasleys."

Chiron realized his mistake too late, as all of the demigods fell into fits of laughter. "Seriously," Leo wheezed, "What is wrong with these wizard names?" Chiron had to admit, the had a point.

"Yeah," Nico giggled, (and wasn't that just frightening) "What's their school going to be named, Pigwarts?"

"Close, it's actually Hogwarts." This time, even the demigods that had sobered up couldn't help it as they dissolved into laughter.

"Oh, my, gods, what is with these obsessions with warts? First there is moldy warts, now there is pig warts!" Annabeth chuckled as she calmed herself down.

"Whatever," Chiron was becoming annoyed at the lack of seriousness the demigods were showing. "Just go and pack, and meet me at the border tomorrow. Try not to bring too many weapons, as they will probably stick out and ruin your secrecy."

"Yes sir, Mister Chiron sir!" Leo saluted and the demigods returned to their previous state of hystrical laughing.

* * *

 "Is everybody packed?" Chiron asked the eleven teenagers assembled.

Eleven "Yes Sir!"s were heard, and five giggles.

Chriron ignored the giggles and continued, "Remember, your identities should remain secret unless somebody manages to find out, and your job is mainly to protect Harry, but also the school, got it?"

Everybody nodded their heads.

"Jason, Piper, Frank, Thalia, and Leo, you will be traveling on a plane. Percy, Annabeth, and Reyna, you will be taking Pegasi. Nico and Hazel, you will be shadow traveling, got it?"

Heads nodded, and Chiron wished them good luck, and then, they were off!

* * *

 At the Burrow...

"Kids! Hurry up! It's time for breakfast! And Arthur and I have a big surprise for you all!" Molly Weasley announced at the top of her lungs. Nobody really heard her, though, as chaos was rampant in the Weasley house hold. Everyone was anticipating the return to Hogwarts very excitedly, and the house was a mess. Quills, robes, wands, and broomsticks all found their way on to the cluttered floor.

"Yes mum," A long flash of scarlet hair flashed by.

A second later, a 'CRACK' and a 'POP' could be heard as Fred and George's grinning faces appeared from the stairway. "We're here! As is everybody else!" True enough, the entire Weasley clan plus Harry and Hermione soon followed the twins.

"What is it, Mum?" Ron asked curiously, as he did not think anything major was happening this year. Especially since last year's fiasco, at least.

"Well, you lot should know that soon, we will be taking in ten American Exchange students who will be coming into Harry, Hermione, and Ron's year for the rest of the summer. They are very powerful, and would like to learn more about Hogwarts and the British wizards, so be polite, gracious, and welcoming, alright dears?"

A chorus of "Yes mum"s and two "Yes Mrs. Weasley"s were heard.

"But isn't it dangerous, with You-Know-Who, and all?" Ron asked apprehensively.

"They are very powerful, specializing in wand-less magic, and they train extensively - they should be fine." Mrs Weasley assured the kids.

"Blimey! Wand-less magic! That's hard!" Ron exclaimed.

Hermione asked, "When will they be coming?"

"Today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the first chapter! Hope you liked it. Next chapter - Diagon Alley! And what will happen to a certain blonde haired boy? Come back next week to find out!


	2. Wackjobs, Wands, Weasleys, and Everything In Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what the title says.

“Now,” Mrs. Weasley continued, “I want all of you lot to go to Diagon Alley and show them around. They will need all of their school supplies, and their robes, so get to it!”

“Yes mum,” and “Yes Mrs. Weasley,” was heard, as all of the teenagers dispersed to get ready for their shopping trip.

* * *

 

 When one entered Diagon Alley, one was usually prone to gasps of delight, wonderment, and amazement. What one was not prone to do, however, was to scream:  “Ice creammmmmmmm!”, and run around like a fool while your friends chased you all over the place, occasionally pausing to admire a rather tasteful piece of architecture. The sad thing, however, was that one Leo Valdez was not an ordinary person. And so, what was bound to happen happened. When four red-haired wizards and one witch, a bushy-haired witch, and a black-haired wizard with a lighting shaped scar entered Diagon Alley, they were graced with the sight of just that.

“Blimey, are those the ones we have to help? They look like nutters!” Ronald Weasley whispered to his friend, Harry Potter.

Wide eyed, Harry nodded.

“Hey!” Leo Valdez cried, skidding to a halt in front of Harry’s group, “We’re not nutters, and besides, we don’t need your help!”

“Are you guys the American Exchange students?” Hermione asked.

Leo nodded.

“Then we’re here to help you get your stuff, and take you over to where you’ll be staying!” Hermione announced.

“You guys are the Weasels?” By now, all of Leo’s friends had come over.

The twins furiously nodded their heads, already pumped for what was about to happen. “Hi!” One of them said.

“I’m Forge, and this is –“

“Gred –“

“It’s a pleasure –“

“To meet you –“

And the twins disappeared with a CRACK, only to return in a moment, and one stuck out his hand, and said, “Now, let me properly introduce myself –“

“I’m George –“

“And I’m Fred –“

“We’re delighted –“

“To make –“

“Your acquaintance –“They finished together, grinning like mad-men.

The rest of the wizards were watching, waiting for the new-comers’ delayed reactions.

Finally, after a tense silence, Leo clapped excitedly, and grinned, just like the twins, “Wow! They’re just like the Stolls!” Everybody laughed, and the tension was eased.

“Now,” Hermione began in her bossiest voice, “You guys need to get your books, wands, robes, and –“

She never finished her sentence, as the male demigods all yawned (Except Nico) and said, “Boring, let’s go get ice cream!” and they dashed off. The Blonde, Cherokee and the Latino girl both wandered off to look at books, while the Goddess-like girl and Punk Girl meandered off with the Goth Boy and the Brunette.

Hermione, on the other hand looked murderous. “They interrupted me!”

Ginny patted her on the back consolingly, while Hermione seethed. “Everybody, find the people, and get them back here in one hour!”

And thus began the most wild goose chase in Diagon Allley history. When Hermione and Ginny went for the Book Girls, they immediately found themselves zigzagging through too many bookstores to count, while Harry and Ron, who went for the aimless wanderers, found themselves in Knockturn Alley, which was impossible, as the wanderers were obviously over there. Meanwhile, the boys, who originally went off to ice cream, immediately cackled like crazy and ran off when the twins pursued them, and they set all kinds of embarrassing booby traps to catch the twins. And that is how, two hours later, both groups found themselves facing a soaking wet Draco Malfoy and his two goons, Draco red in the face and furiously yelling at the boys and the twins. A crowd converged, hungry for a fight.

“My father will hear about this!” Malfoy was threatening.

Percy snorted, “What is itty bitty Daddy’s Boy going to do, run to Mommy?”

“My father is very powerful in the Ministry!” Malfoy was now a lovely shade of magenta.

“Yeah, and my dad can zap you with lightning!” Thalia had joined the fray.

“Back off, Malfoy,” all of the wizards and demigods had converged, making quite a terrifying sight.

Malfoy scowled and stalked off, although not before snarling, “You’ll pay for this, mud bloods!”

“Well, that was anticlimactic,” Percy commented, and began walking away.

“Stop,” Hermione grabbed his sleeves, “You guys have to get your supplies!”

“Well,” Annabeth piped up, “Reyna and I got everything except the robes, and the wands.”

“Great!” Hermione was happy that some people got something done, “We can get your measurements for the robes, and then get your wands, alright?”

Murmurs of assent were heard, and Hermione marched off.

* * *

 

 “ROBES?!?!” Thalia screeched in outrage.

“It’s alright,” Reyna soothed, patting Thalia’s arm, as Thalia’s eyes bugged out, “I’m being forced to wear that?” She pointed an accusing finger at what Annabeth was trying on.

Hermione was quite affronted- she rather like the uniform!

“Come on, it won’t be that bad,” Reyna assured a growling Thalia as she led her up to the pedestal.

“Whatever,”

* * *

 

 “Well, that was painless!” Hermione said cheerfully, as she led the group to Ollivanders.

“Speak for yourself,” Thalia grumbled, as she rubbed her still sore arm.

“You shouldn’t have moved around that much, that way, you wouldn’t have been stabbed that many times!” Reyna chided.

Thalia shot her a dark look. Reyna held up her hands in surrender as they entered the shop, and Ollivander gleefully began making them try out different types of wands. Calypso went first, and she got a 12 and a half inches long glass wand made from the sand of some Greek island that was called, something like oh-jij-ee-a, with a core of moonlace petals. Ollivader was rather ecstatic when Calypso got hers, mumbling something about how the world would finally be beautiful, and making Calypso smile happily.

Leo got a wand that was 11 inches, and made of bronze, with a phoenix feather core. When he got it, the whole room was engulfed in flames, frightening all the wizards whenever Leo waved his wand. (He did it many times, and quite madly)

Thalia went through about twenty wands before finding one, it was 13 inches, made of pine wood, (a fact that made Percy and Nico snort) with a core of a stag’s horn.

Jason, on the other hand, got one on the second try, 9 and a half inches, made with polished stone, and a core of eagle feathers. (The demigods got a kick out of the stone part, though.)

Frank got a 10 inch wand on his first try, turning himself into an iguana and making the wizards gasp. His wand was made out of chameleon something, with a vulture feather as the core. Ollivander was simply delighted at Frank’s wand.

Hazel got an 8 and a half inch wand that was loaded with precious metals. The pommel was a red diamond! The core was liquid gold, which puzzled even Hermione.

Piper got a simple, 10 inch wand made from coral, with a core of sea foam.

Percy waved wands for nearly two hours before Ollivander handed him a trident like wand made from driftwood, with a core of Pegasus hair. When he waved it, the store was submerged in water.

Nico got a wand that was 14 inches long, made from thestral bones, with a core of shadows. (Yeah, they’re real) When he waved it, the store was engulfed in shadows, and the wizards screamed in horror.

Reyna got a 13 inch wand made from adamantium, and a core of silver and gold.

Annabeth waved around six other wands, each one with disastrous outcomes, including Percy and Jason getting a library full of books dumped on their heads, until she got the one for her. It was made from olive wood, and had a core of an owl feather, parchment, and steel.

At the end of the day, all of the wizards were extremely tired, with the demigods happily waving around wands, and causing mass destruction wherever they went, but they went back to Number 12 Grimmauld Place quite happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, The Sorting For Deformed Pigskin!


	3. The Sorting For Deformed Pigskin!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, exactly what the title said.

Nico was scared. It was perfectly reasonable, too. He was on a boat. A goddamned boat! He deserved to be scared! In order to get to Hogwarts, as if the name wasn’t bad enough, he had to go on a boat, across a lake, and did I forget to mention that he was a son of Hades? Apparently. Nico knew he was going to die. He was going to die a sad and painful death, because he was on a boat. At least Jason and Thalia were in the same boat. Ha ha, get it? Nico moaned miserably, he was now making pathetic jokes. Why? Why did his life have to be so miserable?

On the same boat as Nico, Percy grinned, sensing Nico’s discomfort. Percy closed his eyes, and willed the boat faster. Nico gave a surprised little jolt, and glared at Percy. Percy smirked maniacally, and he started making the boat rock. And then, he flipped both Jason and Thalia’s boats. Ah, life!  Percy thought, life was good.

Thalia and Jason both shot dark looks at Percy as they floundered in the lake, until they managed to right their boats and clamber on.

* * *

Once they got off the boats, a stern looking lady came by to talk to the demigods. “I know about you, but the rest of the school does not. Do you want to tell them?”

“No, we do not,” Annabeth spoke up.

The lady nodded, and told them to wait until all of the first years were sorted, and then Dumbledore would present them as the exchange students.

The demigods all cracked up again at the name of Dumbledore, though, so the lady just left them, and went to introduce herself to the students, They learned that her name was Professor McGonagall, and that she was the second in command. Suddenly, the hat that was placed on the stool burst into song:

In times of old, when I was new,

And Hogwarts barely started,

The founders of our noble school

Thought never to be parted.

United by a common goal,

They had the selfsame yearning

To make the world's best magic school

And pass along their learning.

"Together we will build and teach"

The four good friends decided.

And never did they dream that they

Might some day be divided.

For were there such friends anywhere

As Slytherin and Gryffindor?

Unless it was the second pair

Of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw,

So how could it have gone so wrong?

How could such friendships fail?

Why, I was there, so I can tell

The whole sad, sorry tale.

Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those

Whose ancestry's purest."

Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose

Intelligence is surest."

Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those

With brave deeds to their name."

Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot

And treat them just the same."

These differences caused little strife

When first they came to light.

For each of the four founders had

A house in which they might

Take only those they wanted, so,

For instance, Slytherin

Took only pure-blood wizards

Of great cunning just like him.

And only those of sharpest mind

Were taught by Ravenclaw

While the bravest and the boldest

Went to daring Gryffindor.

Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest

and taught them all she knew,

Thus, the houses and their founders

Maintained friendships firm and true.

So Hogwarts worked in harmony

for several happy years,

but then discord crept among us

feeding on our faults and fears.

The Houses that, like pillars four

had once held up our school

now turned upon each other and

divided, sought to rule.

And for a while it seemed the school

must meet an early end.

what with dueling and with fighting

and the clash of friend on friend.

And at last there came a morning

when old Slytherin departed

and though the fighting then died out

he left us quite downhearted.

And never since the founders four

were whittled down to three

have the Houses been united

as they once were meant to be.

And now the Sorting Hat is here

and you all know the score:

I sort you into Houses

because that is what I'm for.

But this year I'll go further,

listen closely to my song:

though condemned I am to split you

still I worry that it's wrong,

Though I must fulfill my duty

and must quarter every year

still I wonder whether sorting

may not bring the end I fear.

Oh, know the perils, read the signs,

the warning history shows,

for our Hogwarts is in danger

from external, deadly foes

And we must unite inside her

or we'll crumble from within

I have told you, I have warned you...

let the Sorting now begin.

Child after child was sorted, until Yu, Sophia, was the last one done, and she was put in Ravenclaw.

Dumbledore stood up and began speaking, but to the student’s dismay, he did not say the two magical words, but instead, he said:  “This, year, we have a very special surprise. For the first time ever, Hogwarts…”

“Hem, hem,”

Dumbledore stopped speaking. “Yes, Dolores?”

“Oh, I was just going to say…” Umbridge started on to her speech, but Dumbledore held up his hand.

“I’m sorry, but this is very important, and speeches are not what I was going to say, so, if I may?”

Umbridge’s face twisted up, but she nodded benignly for Dumbledore to continue.

“As I was saying, this year, Hogwarts will be hosting eleven new fifth year students as part of an exchange program with a wizarding school in America. They will be sorted and participate in classes just like you, so why don’t we give them a hand for coming all the way here?" Umbridge sniffed disdainfully, as did many Slytherins, but they clapped anyways.

Professor McGonagall stepped up, scroll in hand, and she began to read:

_“Chase, Annabeth!”_

Annabeth stepped up to the stool, and slid it one her head gracefully. Suddenly, the hat started screaming in pain and horror. “No! No! Pain! Too much pain! Put her in Gryffindor, already! Put her in GRYFFINDOR!!!! Just get me off of her!!!!”

Professor McGonagall raced up to the stool and ripped the hat off of a crying Annabeth. Annabeth stumbled over to the Gryffindor table. The Gryffindors uncertainly clapped for Annabeth.

_“di Angelo, Nico!”_

Nico glided to the Sorting Hat, and picked it up. Before he could even set the hat on his head, it screamed:  “RAVENCLAW! Don’t you dare let him put me on!” Gasps, and murmurs of shocks rippled through the Great Hall as Nico shrugged and went over to the Ravenclaw table.

_“Grace, Jason!”_

Jason walked comfortably up to the hat, while many girls swooned,  and put it on. He sat docilely for about ten minutes - longer than ever before, but in the end, that hat screamed, louder than usual, “HUFFLEPUFF!” Many boos were heard from girls in the other houses, but everyone quieted when Jason went and gave Piper a short, sweet kiss.

_“Grace, Thalia!”_

As Thalia made her way over to the hat, she growled to McGonagall, “Don’t use my last name,” very menacingly.

McGonagall swallowed and nodded.Thalia put the hat on her head, and before it even settled, it screamed, “GRYFFINDOR!”

_“Jackson, Perseus!”_

"Just Percy," Percy went up to the hat and set it on his head. It barely touched his head before screaming, “HUFFLEPUFF!”

_“Levesque, Hazel!”_

Hazel went up to the hat, and put it on her head. The hat seemed to think for a while, before ultimately screaming, “HUFFLEPUFF!”

_“McLean, Piper!”_

Piper sauntered up to the hat, with many appreciative murmurs from boys and girls alike, even though Piper just kissed Jason. She set the hat on her head, and let it do its thing. “SLYTHERIN!”

_“Ogygia, Calypso!”_

Once again, male and female students unabashedly ogled Calypso as she walked up to the hat. “RAVENCLAW!” Was soon shouted.

_“Ramirez-Arellano, Avila Reyna!”_

Reyna scowled at her last name, but grudgingly put on the hat. As the hat sifted through Reyna’s memories, she winced in minor discomfort, and the hat started shaking, but it announced, “SLYTHERIN!”, nonetheless.

_“Valdez, Leo!”_

Leo gently put the hat on his head, and the hat sat there, for nearly twenty minutes, by far the longest ever. Fifteen minutes in, and Leo took out a mini-Festus, and began tinkering, once again shocking everyone. The hat then shouted, “RAVENCLAW!”

_“Zhang, Frank!”_

Frank put the hat on his head, and sat there, while looking forlornly at Hazel, obviously knowing what the hat was going to say. “GRYFFINDOR!”

And with that, the sorting was done, and the two magical words were said, to many cheers and rumbling bellies: “Tuck in…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up...  
> DADA... What will happen?


	4. DADA With the Demigods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm very sorry for my lack of posting for over a month. Summer vacations, school starting, and life in general has been terrible. Like that lady, in a car, in the school zone, who was speeding. 
> 
> But, I digress. This chapter is what you've all been waiting for! DADA: The Demigod Way.

“So what’s this class, again?” Perseus Jackson, our favorite Seaweed Brain, was helping everyone in their never ending quest for exasperation as he asked, once more, what in Hades they were supposed to be learning. Just a normal day in a school named after a pig deformity. Good times.

“Gods, Percy! We’re in DADA, or Defense Against the Dark Arts, where we learn exactly what the name of the class says!” Annabeth sighed, for the umpteenth time.

“Oh.”

“Well,” Hermione chipped in, “We might not actually be learning that. Umbridge very clearly, in her speech –“

“When we were supposed to be eating!” The boys chorused, as the girls sighed – really, teenage boys really were works in progress.

“As I was saying, during the speech, she clearly expressed her distaste with the way Hogwarts was being run, that the Ministry would begin to change it, and outlined just how the Ministry. Was. Going. To. Interfere. At. Hogwarts! A bloody school! They’re going to mess up the education in a school!” By the end of her tirade, Hermione was in an extremely foul mood, and nobody could discern whether it was because of the interference, or the fact that said interference was in a place of education.

“Ohh.”

“Yeah.”

As the students fell silent, Umbridge strode into the room, looking like a pompous arse, and she smiled a nasty, insincere smile, and greeted the students. “Good morning, class.”

A murmuring of ‘good morning’ swept through the class, but a, quite noticeable lack of enthusiasm was present. In addition, a lack of two, very absorbed kids.

“Hem-hem.” Umbridge coughed, but there was no reaction. “Hem-hem!”

Hazel and Frank, two _very_ absorbed kids stopped their kissing, and looked up.

“Excuse me, but class has started! And what were you two doing, with such a display of… of… lewdness! Honestly! You’re a shame upon your family! What would your parents say?”

“They would say good job.” Frank muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing.” Hazel replied quickly, covering for Frank.

“Good! Now, what’s your name?”

“Hazel.”

“Your **last** name.”

“Levesque.”

“Blood status?”

“Does that honestly matter?”

“Yes! Of course it does? Child, what do you think, that ordinary mud – muggleborns are what our society as a whole should be accepting?”

“Half-blood.”

“Well,” Umbridge sniffed, “At least you’re not a muggleborn!”

Hazel rolled her eyes.

Over the course of the conversation, Hermione’s skin had grown into an inexplicable little pomegranate, and finally, as the conversation concluded, the dam burst. “Professor! You’re a professor! You shouldn’t be biased! And blood status doesn’t matter in the least! What matters is the effort one puts into their work, and the skill in which you execute your spells! Not who your parents are! And what does blood even have to do with anything? Didn’t we all start out a muggles? So aren’t we all just muggleborns, some more recently than others?”

Once Hermione had finished her rant, Umbridge calmly asked, “And Miss…?”

Hermione blushed at the audacity of her to do such a thing, but Gryffindor pride made her answer. “Granger.”

“Well, Miss Granger, it’s obvious that you are a muggleborn, so your opinion does not really matter in this case, and so, let’s begin class.”

Hermione scowled, but kept quiet.

Satisfied, Umbridge turned away from the class, and sat in her seat. And that was her first mistake. Once she sat down, in the absurdly little pink chair, in the absurdly pink dress, behind the absurdly pink table, a little green mist engulfed her, and out came… a toad. Whoever would have guessed such a thing?

The toad croaked, and stuck out its tongue. Second mistake. A little fly got stuck on it, and Miss Dolores Umbridge, the unfortunately unmarried lady now had an insect mid-morning snack.

The class laughed, and as the toad croaked, presumably to order everyone around, Umbridge’s wand began floating towards the toad. And, of course, Umbridge reached out for the wand. Thir- DING! DING! DING! And we have a winner! Her tongue went out, she swallowed the wand, and with a poof! We now had a little pink squid, in what one could assume was a dress, and it was soaked – in squid ink.

As one can imagine, our darling little fifth years had quite a nice little DADA period, and all went to dinner in a loverly mood. Until they saw the decree.

**_Educational Degree Number 23_ **

**_Henceforth, no Girls are to be within 7 feet of boys,_ **

**_And the same shall stand for boys._ **

**_Anybody found disobeying this decree shall have to go to_ **

**_A proper behaviour class,_ **

**_Taught by Professor Umbridge_ **

****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short length, but I need a build up for the rest of the story, because I want at least a semblance of a plot, if only to make myself feel better.
> 
> Next up, Potions!


	5. But I'm Gaaaaaaaayyyy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read the title.

"That's the world's stupidest rule, and I was there when some idiot in New York decided that the penalty for jumping off a building would be the death sentence." Annabeth commented, looking remarkably unfazed as she literally sat on Percy's lap.

"It really is." Nico agreed, looking all the world as if he would like nothing better than to only have the option of being in close quarters with boys.

"Does that go for teachers, too?" Ron asked dumbly.

"Of course it doesn't, you dolt!" Honestly, some days, Hermione wondered why she was even friends with Ron. Really. Why was she... Oh right, the troll. Oops.

"It says girls. And boys. That signifies children." Reyna added in, presumably to be helpful. (It really wasn't)

"And it only says girls and boys!" Thalia added gleefully.

Nico grinned, a maniac grin, and then promptly turned away towards his rooms.

"So?" Ron asked, exactly like the blundering fool he seemed to be.

Nobody deigned to grace such an idiotic question with an answer. As the rest of the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs continued on to their make-up session with Umbridge, as it was quite clear that yesterday's class was an uncharacteristic fluke, that was unproportionally unsuccessful with the rest of the Ministry's teachings (in Umbridge's words - note the unproportional amount of un- s), the students would be required to take a make-up class, in order to make sure that none of the students would lag behind, and gasp!, possibly fail their next nonexistent test. (It wasn't going to happen) However, what nobody noticed, was a distinct lack of one, dark haired girl, who decided that a dress code was the last thing anybody needed in their lives. Nonetheless, when they got there, said girl had already joined back into the group, looking quite pleased with herself.

When they entered the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom they found Professor Umbridge already seated at the teacher’s desk, wearing the fluffy pink cardigan of the night before and the black velvet bow on top of her head. All the students were once again forcibly assuaged with thoughts of a large fly perched unwisely on top of an even larger toad. And again, nobody was pleased with such a sight. (Really, who would be?)

"Good morning, class!" Umbridge smiled serenely at the entering students, either truly oblivious, or simply uncaring of the groans that were barely hidden at the sight of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher once again looking as unsquid-like as before. "I'm sorry, I said Good Morning Class," Umbridge still smiled as she said this, but somehow, one could tell that she wanted a response. Quickly.

"Good morning, Professor Umbridge."s were hastily thrown out, and the students took their seats, and prepared their wands. Only to be told that they would be copying notes. And that there was not going to be even a single second of practical spell work in class.

"But what about Moldywarts?" Percy asked, unaware that he had said the name wrong.

"Let me make this quite plain." Umbridge began, in her simpering, 'I'm smarter than you and know more than you do so shut up and listen to what I say, because I'm always right' tone,  "You have been told that a certain Dark Wizard is at large once again. This is a lie." She said it as though that was final. It really wasn't.

"It's not a lie! I saw him. I fought him." Harry jumped up.

"I agree with him," Annabeth put in. The majority of the class nodded.

"Detention, Mr. Potter! You to, Miss..."

"Chase." Annabeth told her, looking as if she was  **really** looking forward to the detention.

"So according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord." Harry argued, clearly seeing no logic whatsoever in Umbridge's thinking.

"Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident." Was the crisp reply.

"It was murder! Voldemort killed him! You must know!" Harry all but yelled, red in the face.

"I know not of what you speak of Potter! Address me as your superior properly!" By now, Umbridge was turning a neon-ish pink, which really should have been impossible.

"Yea!" Percy jumped up in anger, as did Frank, Hazel, Annabeth, Thalia, and Jason. And then a clamor of voices began putting in their two-cents. Which just made Umbridge turn an even lovelier shade of pink - matching her dress just so.

 _"ENOUGH!!!_ Enough. See me later, Mr. Potter. My office. And the rest of you," Umbridge gazed at them severely, "I understand that you must come from a very uncultured land, the United States, really! But, you must learn how to behave properly, or there will be trouble. Detention with me today, and I want you all to think about what you've done."

"And should I sit in the time-out chair, too?" Thalia muttered.

"Or maybe, I shouldn't get desert," Percy whispered.

"I've been a bad, bad girl," Annabeth murmured.

"Yes, you have been, you should be punished," Jason giggled as he said this.

"What did you say?" Umbridge questioned.

"I said that I was a bad, bad girl, and I totally deserve to be punished." Thalia said, her face straighter than a pole, (Although it was not an adequate reflection on her preferences)

"Good." Umbridge seemed pleased with herself, while the rest of the class was simply observing with barely hidden entertainment at the scene before them, "The rest of you," she turned her ire on the rest of he Demigods, "You all should be more repentant in your behaviours, exactly like Miss..."

"Grace," Thalia supplied pleasantly.

"Yes, like Miss Grace. Perhaps a detention is not required for you." Umbridge smiled, pleased with herself.

"No, it's okay, I think that I should go, really  _solidify_ the lesson." Thalia assured. The class now really had to struggle to not have their amusement etched onto their faces. 

"Well, that's good." Umbridge smiled, uncertain as to why someone would  _want_ to have a detention, but she wasn't going to complain.

Thalia smiled.

* * *

 "Detention!" Leo hooted, as he and his friends got near Umbridge's room, later at night.

"You got it too?" Percy asked, as he and the rest of the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff students who had detention met up near Umbridge's rooms. 

"Yep! And I'm gonna take the time to figure out exactly where the best place to leave certain... presents are!" Leo added enthusiastically.

"Wonderful," Annabeth said dryly.

"Did all of us get stuck in detention?" Jason questioned.

"Almost," Frank said, "Only Nico got away."

The rest of the Slytherin/Ravenclaws nodded, "Reading much, too busy was he." Leo added, in the world's worst imitation of Yoda that ever existed.

"Oh! You're all here!" Umbridge exclaimed, as she neared her room. "Well, it's good that you're prompt, I suppose!" She said.

"Yea, sure, that's it," Percy muttered.

"But, where is that Arellano girl, and Miss Grace?" Umbridge questioned, as she unlocked her classroom door.

"Where's Harry?" Ancabeth challenged.

"He will be having his detention later." Umbridge replied primly. She opened the door, and was promptly shown exactly where 'that Arellano girl' and Miss Grace were. They were in her classroom! And they seemed quite content exactly where they were, in the exact positions that they were in, and quite annoyed at the sudden intrusion. That, however, might have been more due to the fact that the two of them were making out as if the world would be ending an second now. Umbridge screamed. Because of course she would do such a thing when graced (get it) with the sight she was currently receiving.

Annabeth simply said, "I think they're already here."

"How could you show such, such deplorable behaviour in front of your impressionable classmates!" Umbridge screeched, "Honestly, and what about that new decree? You shouldn't not be doing such a thing! This is a place of learning!" (Annabeth rolled her eyes) "Not...Not...Not this blatant ignorance of school rules! And really, we need not know of you're improper thoughts about each other!"

"What rule? The rule of stupidity?," Reyna muttered.

"No," Umbridge replied haughtily, "The one meant to stop such terrible, terrible behaviour! Honestly! Miss Grace! I expected better behaviour coming from you!"

Finally detaching herself from the lip-lock, and looking thoroughly unrepentant, Thalia whined, "But I'm Gaaaaaaaayyyy!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that went well, didn't it? So... I guess there's no room for potions?
> 
> Also, as a note, the wizarding world is traditionally - key word being traditionally - accepting of gay people, but they decided to just be woefully ignorant about it. (This goes mostly for pure-bloods, I never really understood why some people decide to have pure-bloods hate gay people, as the pure-bloods were the ones marrying their cousins. The rest of the world is not as accepting. *cough*ignorant muggles*cough*) And that also explains Professor Umbridge's reaction.


	6. Demos Kratos!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LALALALALALALALALALA. Go read.

"I don't care! Young lady! That is improper what...that obscene display you were making with the other lady! No! That is not proper etiquette for a school! I will be speaking to the Headmaster about this, Miss Grace, see if I don't! You will be suitably punished for this, and I will be making changes to the school. This kind of behaviour has shown me exactly what is wrong with this generation, thinking they can go around prancing about and doing whatever they want all willy nilly! Miss Grace, I expected better from you, and corrupting these young impressionable children! You people have to much free time, doing whatever you want! I must correct all this at once immediately!"

Thalia was unabashed. "What are you going to do? Separate all children by 7 feet? Yea. Tell me how that goes, will you?"

"And hey," Percy cut in, "At least they weren't doing the watermelon!" And he devolved into a giggling mess. As did the rest of the demigods. Because that was funny.

"Yeah. And your rule does rule out the chance of a lemon, so I suppose us unfortunate straight people will have to do a watermelon, instead!" Piper added, giggling gleefully.

"And..." Jason wheezed, "IF anything happens, well, you can't blame us, can you My Fair Lady? After all, us  _unfortunate straight people_ have gotten our first picks taken away."

"But not us gay people!" Reyna cheerily announced.

"What about the bis?" Percy asked. "Can't just leave us in the dust!"

"Yea! The gays get to be happy, the straights unhappy, and what are we? Chopped liver?" Annabeth demanded. "I demand my rights! I want freedom and equality to do the lemons and the watermelons, or at least the watermelons all I want! Or have that right taken away! You can't ignore us forever! We exist! You can't just remove us from society, we have the right to frick frack all we want! I demand equality of equal, unbiased taking away our giving of rights. We will be represented! You can't stop me! I will go and get every student to sign a petition! Power to the people! Demos Kratos!"

"Hey! If they get to do the watermelons, why don't we get to do the lemons! I have a perfectly lovely pineapple just waiting for me! This is biased and prejudiced against yellow fruit! My pineapple and I demand the freedom of lemons! You can't oppress us like this! We will get our equality, just like the plebeians and the patricians, even if we must fight you for 200 years, we will stand and persist for our right to do the lemon!"

"It really is," Hazel agreed, "And I don't even care! Because I'm ace! And so is my boyfriend! Who I love very much. And we do not partake in the lemons of our pineapples. If that even makes sense."

"Yea!" The rest of the demigods chorused. "This is prejudice! It will not stand in the face of the modern world!"

"What in Morgana's name is happening here, Dolores, I expected you to be holding detention! Not...Whatever crack government debate that is going on. In the halls. I don't care if you punish the rest of them by making them listen to this drivel, but really, can't you do it somewhere that students will not see and notice?" And the greasy haired, pointy nosed man of the hour himself appeared, scowling at everyone who chanced a glance his way. "I really honestly don't care what you do in your free time, but people are noticing! This behaviour is not befitting a professor at Hogwarts, Dolores!"

"Severus, I am in the middle of disciplining these-"

"Obviously it's not working. Might a suggest you hand them over to me, instead? Since it seems that your teaching duties stacked on top of what the Minister wishes for you to do is simply too much?"

Umbridge bristled at the accusation, and immediately defended herself. "They were acting in ways unbecoming of proper pureblooded children, and I simply was trying to show them the, ah, how do they say, the light?"

One greasy eyebrow arched? Yes ma'am. "You do know that here is nothing wrong with the, ah, *cough* homosexual relationships? It was ratified, before, I believe, the heterosexual relationship for marriage. During the Greek times, I believe?"

"But...but it is unnatural! And they cannot possibly mean to have children like proper pureblooded boys and girls do, with  _each_ other, right? After all, they are missing *ahem* a necessary part of their anatomy?"

"What is your fixation upon purer blood? Most people are not even of pure blood these days, and the Ministry has granted muggleborns the same rights as those of wizarding blood. There is nothing truly wrong with it, I believe, and studies even show muggleborns with a higher success rate within their magical prowess than other purebloods. This school is not meant to discriminate, and I can bring this to Dumbledore if you continue to make obviously biased assumptions based on pure blood. I believe that the Wars of Fire Sacrifice were based on that whole subject? I am sure the Minister would agree, with his staunch support of those with mixed ancestry."

"Oh. Well, then, let us get this detention started, then, shall we?" Umbridge draws herself up to her astoundingly short height, and putters into her classroom. "Now, you are all going to copy down lines. "I will not tell lies. I will not turn my professors into toads. It is rude. I will not laugh, as it is my fault-"

"Non-sequitor," Annabeth interrupts. "Your facts are uncoordinated. What is to say that we were the ones to do such a thing? You have no proof, and with no proof, your logic is at fault. Therefore, you cannot in good faith tell us to write those lines, as there is no absolute proof to say that we were the perpetrators of the incident."

Umbirdge bristles, before continuing imperiously, ignoring Annabeth's words. "You will copy those lines down 50 times, and then you will take home these pamphlets," She waves her wand, and two stacks of pamphlets appear. "And read them. You will take notes about the abomination of acting in such a lecherous manner to those of the same gender as you, and the dangers of doing so with the opposite at such a young age.. I want them handed to me by next Monday. Go on, then."

Reyna picks up one of the pamphlets, looks at the title, and bristles. "You kidding me?  _My Gay Child: What Did I do Wrong; How Should I Fix Them?_ What kind of stupid homophobic thing is this? And it is rude to simply assume that one is just gay. They could be bi, pan ace, aro, or any number of thing. So that is rude. And for the love of Jupiter, we were just making out! It's not like we were ripping each other's clothes off!"

"In addition," Annabeth continues "What is this?" She waves the other pamphlet in the air. " _Dangers of Sex For Teens: Pregnancy, STDs, STIs, and Much, Much More._ " She reads. " Ever heard of a condom? Safe sex is in, but banning it isn't. And why are you using a muggle pamphlet, anyways? I thought you were  _soooo_ superior in comparison to them? What happened here?"

"What?" Umbridge shouts, "I assure you these are all Ministry approved and-"

"Darling Angel Prints. Yea. My step-mom's brother-in-law's mom's family owns that company. And I assure you, they are  _quite_ muggle."

"Yeah, what gives?" Percy asks. "All this is trash, anyways."

"Agreed." Piper murmurs.

"Yea!" Leo shouts. "What she said. And I'm still not over the fact that you won't let us do the lemon!"

"That is of entirely no relevance to the present discussion, Leo." Annabeth snaps. 

"But I wanna argue, and I can't if we all agree on something. I propose we debate the merits and rights of the lemon versus the watermelon! All in favor, say Demos Kratos!"

"Demos Kratos!" The demigods shout, before looking at Umbridge. "Yeah, umm, it's past curfew now, so if you'll excuse us..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea. There's that. Also, you might have figured that this was kind of late and out of my usual updating cycle. Because I desperately need a beta. *Hint*Hint*Somebody Help*Hint* Somebody to annoy me until I start writing and fix my mistakes. Because my current editor will kill me. After she finishes editing through all my mistakes. And I have like ten ongoing stories. So someone?
> 
> And next is going to be...more demos kratos.

**Author's Note:**

> Read and review! I would love to hear your opinion. FYI: I know this is totally over used, but I just love it with all of the possibilities. Plot is mostly canon past the HoO and HPOP


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